He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
