My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
