Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
