i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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