I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
