my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
