Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
