i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
