I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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