so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
