i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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