Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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