i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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