Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
