fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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