gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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