Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize