And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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