I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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