i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
