before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
