The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
