I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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