Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
