i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
