He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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