im drinking this country out of the recession.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize