after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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