i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
