He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
