I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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