My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
