don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize