bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
