You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
