I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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