i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
