He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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