I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
