I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
