just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
