I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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