Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
