one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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