dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
