So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
