apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
