Please, let me fuck your mom
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
