if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
