things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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