Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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