he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
as a side note pls kill me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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