I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize