If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
