where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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