She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
