Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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