I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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