I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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