if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
