my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
