no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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