Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
