How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
is wine microwaveable?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
