I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
