Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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