Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
