So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
